I’m not out of the woods yet but I see the sun peeking through. I am at least 13 weeks into getting structural body work done as well as putting in significant daily efforts to recover and rebuild my mind/body connection. Last week was the first week that I noticed my CNS waking up.
I didn’t realize how much bandwidth had been dedicated to ignoring, minimizing, pushing through or addressing pain signals. I didn’t realize I wasn’t tasting my coffee, hearing the birds chirp or feeling my sons laughter. It wasn’t for lack of trying.
My knee jerk reaction was that I began thinking of all the moments I must have missed simply because I hadn’t been present enough to fully experience them. Each time my mind goes down that road I have to remind myself that I did the best I could.
Sometimes our best has to be enough even when it falls short.
As I slowly heal I have realized many ways in which this experience has impacted my life. In some ways for the worse but in many ways for the better.
-I am a more compassionate and empathetic human being because I have had to rely on the compassion and empathy of others to get through.
-I am learning to recieve help from others.
-I am learning to recognize when others are struggling and I try to reach out rather than squirm away in discomfort because I know the feeling of isolation.
-I work hard to appreciate the little things and celebrate small wins because sometimes big wins are few and far between.
-I learned self care and self love because I had to pull myself out of some pretty dark places.
-I am learning patience and how to have faith in the process because I am finally seeing healing after years of effort.
-I am moving from a perfectionism mindset to healthy striving because I have failed to meet the vision I had for myself many times over.
-I am only beginning to scratch the surface of what I’m capable of and I am so excited to test those limits on a healthy body.
All things in time. Lifting is a long game.
For now, I am going to soak in more of these experiences with my boys.